We all get into relationships but we never learn the basics of our own emotions and human interaction. If we don’t understand ourselves, how can we understand others and build reliable and honest relationships? This is a basic step to improve your emotional intelligence by defining our personalities.
Our grandparents didn’t talk about it. Our parents neither, and here we are still saying, “I don’t understand why she or he is like that!”. No one teaches us about emotional intelligence or even some of its basics. So, here is where we will start.
This post will give you a basic understanding of the importance of emotional intelligence for everything we do and one easy-to-use knowledge to discover how we all filter life through our personalities.
Let’s find the missing pieces to master relationships and love.
If you prefer, you can also listen to our podcast
Why do we all see everything so different?
Have you heard that women are from Venus, and men are from Mars?
We believe it’s not even anymore about men or women, but about understanding why and how we are so different from one another. We will center our attention on something we can define, measure, and even improve to have better emotional intelligence: our personality.
But to understand personalities, which is just a small part of emotional intelligence, we must first become aware of our lack of knowledge about it. There is no training or class in the school, the university, or our house about it. It’s something we “learn” (but never really understand) getting into sweet or toxic relationships, fighting over dirty clothes, or enjoying a trip to Paris.
We all had or are still having good or bad relationship experiences, always trying to understand the root of our problems with others, which sometimes are hard to describe
Again we face the problem of an approach to education that potentiates and develops analytical and intellectual thinking but forgets about personal and emotional development.
Do we need to work around emotional intelligence and personalities at school?
Did you have any class to learn how to manage your emotions or reactions? Of course not, it even sounds funny.
But imagine how much trouble and problems could be avoided by having the time to understand how we see the world, how we filter every situation. This information should be mandatory and reinforced through education. There is so much to learn about ourselves.
This lack of emotional intelligence makes people say things like: “I’m like that”, but the meaning of “like that” is blurry, or “I don’t understand why he/she does that”. We cannot easily express who we are and how we see things. And this is the base of most relationship problems.
We hear the typical phrase to finish the discussion “That’s what I am, deal with it”. That’s how blind we are. We think we are our reactions and emotions, but we are what happens before that.
That same ignorance about ourselves creates more discrimination because we just don’t understand others and don’t even try to do it. We keep fighting to place our perspectives and points of view on top, “My way is the way things should be,” we say.
We DON’T KNOW that our diversity and differences make the world move. When we recognize and accept our differences, we evolve as a society.
The social outcome of lacking emotional intelligence.
We should be apprehensive about keeping our society this way. This week we remember the massacre that happened on June 12th, 2016, where 50 people, including the killer, lost their lives. Unconscious, disconnected, and ignorant people keep showing their lack of understanding by silencing others’ voices.
Violence related to our differences and forcing our ideas into others is happening as you read this post. We can eradicate intolerance by consciously promoting emotional intelligence.
We must learn about ourselves and get tools to work on our emotional intelligence. Help our children while they grow up to embrace their world and others. Help them be compassionate and comprehensive with themselves and live in peace.
Emotionally intelligent children will make an emotionally intelligent world filled with balance, togetherness, and respect.
Over the last two decades, studies within the disciplines of Social Psychology, Developmental and Personality Psychology have been made with positive results starting with children around six years old.
In 2017, a study analyzed results from 82 different programs (working on emotional intelligence) involving more than 97,000 students from kindergarten to middle school in the U.S., Europe, and the U.K., where the effects were reviewed at least six months after the programs completed. The researchers found that social-emotional learning continued to have positive results in the classroom and was connected to longer-term positive outcomes.
Still, our education is not integrating these programs into the curriculums. We are not considering the importance of educational intelligence for our society.
A problem of schools, companies, and families everywhere.
We have statistics showing that one out of every five (20.2%) students report being bullied (National Center for Educational Statistics, 2019)
But, this is not “a kids issue”; Workplace bullying is frighteningly common and takes an enormous toll on businesses. Research from Dr. Judy Blando (University of Phoenix) has proven that almost 75% of employees surveyed had been affected by workplace bullying, whether as a target or a witness.
In China, the divorce numbers are on the rise due to the coronavirus pandemic, and psychologists and marriage lawyers are waiting for similar results for the U.S. where around 50% of every marriage will find divorce as a solution to their relationship problems.
We just discover how difficult it is for so many of us to share with our own family for extended periods, getting to the point of higher numbers in domestic violence in first world countries like the U.K., the U.S., France, China, and Spain.
Imagine the situation and numbers in developing countries where victims don’t even talk, and statistics are far from reality.
A first step to strengthen our emotional intelligence starting today.
We can stop the lack of respect, tolerance, differences, and diversity we see growing and with scary numbers. We know this is a global issue and an educational system problem that probably you (the reader) and I (the writer) cannot change right away, but we DO have the power to change something now.
The progress on Emotional intelligence can be made from many different fronts. We could mention the famous American psychologist Daniel Goleman who defined:
- Social skills.
There is so much to work related to those five concepts. We will get back to them in a different post. Right now, we want to give you an easy-to-put-in-place solution related to self-awareness and social skills. We will work on our Personalities.
We are sharing this information we have used for over ten years in our daily life, relationships, and businesses.
So much can change by discovering a single thread of ourselves. We invite you to be the Change.
Four personalities to understand and nurture better personal and professional relationships.
There are many different theories regarding human personalities. Probably you heard about the Enneagram before, and it’s 9 different profiles. We discovered the work of Florence Littauer, a U.S. psychiatrist that developed and published a personality system in the ’80s that is easy to understand and follow. We will share Dr. Littauer’s system.
We all humans share four different personalities related to the way we experience the world, our emotions, thoughts, and actions. And although we define the way we see the world while we grow up, there is a part of our character that will come imprinted on our cells. You see babies that are super calmed, and others are like a CAT5 tornado. We have different personalities, and that can be seen from young ages.
This information will help you better understand yourself and your partner, children, family members, colleagues, and even your customers. The potential you have to create better and more trustworthy relationships is unlimited if you apply the information, of course.
Every personality has its strengths and weaknesses. We consider that every strength that is overstimulated will lead to a weakness.
Cholerics are considered to be the leader and commander types. They are dominant, strong, and decisive. They tend to be good leaders because they are driven to get things done. Anyone you identify? Maybe it’s you!
Now, let’s take that decisive and dominant leader’s attitude to the top and you’ll have someone arrogant and bossy. So, when doing their things, they might offend some or a lot of people along the way.
Cholerics are also known as the “Powerful” type. They are the ones making things happen.
Melancholic personality types are described to be the analytical types. Their personality displays a strong emphasis on evaluation and assessment. Their typical behavior involves making lists, evaluating the positives and negatives, and general analysis of facts.
They love maps, charts, and graphs. Probably you are already thinking about someone. They are usually the most intelligent of the four types; however, they tend to dwell on details. Melancholics are continually planning to make sure things happen, although sometimes they can paralyze themselves with over-analysis.
That is why they are also known as the “Perfectionist” type.
Sanguines are a social personality type. They have a predisposition to socialize and entertain. They enjoy fun, socializing, chatting, telling stories, and making more friends. Lina and I, we both feel related to this type of personality.
A Sanguine gets on well with people and can get others excited about issues, but cannot always be relied upon to get things done. They just want to have fun, and staying focused gets hard.
Sanguines love interacting with others and are the center of attention in group interactions. They tend to over-promise and under-deliver.
Sanguines are also known as the “Social” type.
Phlegmatics are described as having a flat-type personality. They tend to lay back and desire a peaceful environment above everything else. Phlegmatics are easy-going, unexcitable, and relaxed. They tend not to upset people actively, but their indifference may frustrate people, and try not to make decisions.
They are excellent as mediators because they do not usually have many enemies and can understand different points of view; easily adapt to everything and sometimes don’t feel the problems getting closer.
Phlegmatics are also known as the “Peaceful” type.
The personality basics and the perfect combinations.
So let’s go over an example so you can understand every personality in the same situation.
Imagine you are making a family trip. Four people share the car, and suddenly someone says that it’s time to go to the bathroom.
The Choleric will say: “Ok, I’m going to stop to pee. We will meet here in 20 minutes, and I am not waiting for anyone. Please, Jack, bring water and some chips, here is the money“.
The Melancholic will say: “Ok, this stop will make us lose around 20 minutes, so please do not take too long, or we will miss our schedule, and please pee now we stopped 30 minutes ago, we are not getting anywhere this way“.
The Sanguine (Jack): He will take the money and get to the store and say: “Ok perfect. I came for, hey! That looks nice!” and he will go see something or talk with someone. Most of the time, he will forget to get water or chips.
The Phlegmatic will say or just think: “I’m too comfortable to move, and I can still hold. I’ll just stay in the car.“
So, what can you do with this information?
Imagine you are asking for the same results or actions from your phlegmatic and choleric children. It makes no sense, they interact very differently with the world, and we must be aware of that.
Imagine that you hate when your husband makes jokes when having dinner at your parent’s house, but he is a sanguine…
Imagine you are a melancholic, and you are waiting for your wife to surprise you with a special trip with schedules and hourly plans for the weekend, but she is a sanguine…
I think you got the point. Thousands of different situations we are continually creating or expecting and do not happen are related to our personalities. That fight last night, that awkward moment at work, that sad face from your son or daughter, or that marital disappointment last month.
We must study and share this within our homes. Make it fun and find out who we are after decades of living together.
Check and celebrate everyone’s strengths and work together on your weaknesses to improve the relationships, the family, and the company. Create a proper space for solid and respectful human interaction.
We all interact and learn the hard way, like walking with our eyes closed. This is an invitation to understand a bit more about yourself and others and build loving, nurturing, and honest relationships.
We know that our grandparents nor our parents talked about this. Now you can say: “I do understand why she or he is like that!”. You can be the one who teaches others about personality basics and tolerance of our differences. There is where change will start.
If you prefer, you can also listen to our podcast
Would you like to go deep into this information and understand how this can improve your life in so many ways? Click here to take our FREE #1 Personality Test and discover your perfect personality mix right now!